if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
