If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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