Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
