All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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