sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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