life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
