ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
