wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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