You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
