The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
worst night to have a conscience
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
