I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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