no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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