he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
