She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize