i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
