I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
