Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
