I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
