wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
