i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need to align my fucking chakras
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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