He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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