i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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