i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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