My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i need some magic done to my vagina
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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