Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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