it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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