toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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