Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
