I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
