How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
