Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
