Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
