just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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