If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
