so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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