And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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