I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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