I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
