just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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