Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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