I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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