GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My dick has a subreddit
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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