i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize