and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
