Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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