You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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