I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
