FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
