well I can't set my house on fire every night
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
