I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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