we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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