She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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