I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
