oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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