Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
