Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize