his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
