i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
