Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
