it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Two words: blizzard sex
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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