I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
