I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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