i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize