okay pat passed out under dana's car
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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