Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
