If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i wish my penis had a tongue
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
