i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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