Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
