i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize