yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
