normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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