I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
