We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
