He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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