I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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