sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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