Your face is a jimmy john
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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