Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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