Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
