I am in a vortex of obligation.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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