hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My cat gives me a boner
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
