Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So much rum. So many feels.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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