i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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