I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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