Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
