lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
