He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize