I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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