the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
