...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
