I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Randomize
