If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize