just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
