Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dicks are not precious.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
