Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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