Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
