i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
