Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
