WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
