I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
