When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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