we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We left the knife in your bed.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
