I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
